Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Dissertation Drama

I am taking a cue from my dear cousin Caroline who just started her freshman year at college and is blogging throughout her adventures. I suppose it may be cathartic or useful for someone in the universe (or possibly my future self) to jot down my dissertation journey.

I am currently reading: Dissertation and Theses from Start-to-Finish by John D. Cone & Sharon L. Foster. It's meant for Psychology and the Related Fields. I'm on chapter 3 and so far, it's pretty common sense stuff. It just helps motivate me to actually get started. Like I should be working on it right now instead of doing this. That's the thing, once you get serious about doing it, you always should be doing it. Every spare second feels like it needs to be devoted to dissertating that I feel guilty even watching tv. But somehow these days I am watching more tv than ever in my life: procrastination at its finest. Can we just stop and talk about Orange is the New Black? Holy cow, I love that show and am in complete and utter withdrawal that there were only 13 episodes to marathon watch.

Okay, so dissertation -- see how my mind wanders? I started back in March just shooting ideas once I had picked a person I wanted to chair it. I picked someone brilliant, stats-knowledgeable, in an area of interest to me (trauma), and I could work well with. By the summer, we had the plan of action drawn out and ready to go. All I had to do was... write 30 or so pages of an introduction reviewing all the literature.

Yeah, that didn't happen. Instead I had a summer course requiring 90 pages of papers and projects and presentations. Then my 3 week break including 3 weeks of visitors minus 2 days of pool time and cleaning. So here I am, first week into the quarter and on page 3. Then I get a bombshell that she is going to start with or without me... which poses some problems for me, very big ones. What if when I propose the idea to the faculty, they tell me the study has already been started? Or that I need to add something more and start over? (*cue scary music*) that is probably my worst nightmare and why I've nearly panicked myself to sleep each night this week.

Thirty pages is literally nothing, I've done that before with my theses. But there is some huge mysterious omen on the idea of a dissertation that scares the bejeezus out of most people. I need to de-mystify it and get to it. That way I can propose by next month, and start data collection with my adviser. Way to put the pressure even more.

In addition to this, I have a large to-do list of schoolwork and readings to do for my other classes and life stuff going on too. And phone calls and friends to chat with. I wish I could just put life on hold to make this dissertation thing go away. I keep telling myself, once I propose that gives me another year free to procrastinate on other things. Just have to do it....

I am also applying to this award which sucks too because I hate writing good qualities about myself, it sounds so conceited and I prefer modesty actually. I also have to ask 2 professors for letters of recommendations, which I hate doing. But I suppose I'll get through it all.

21 more months of this madness.

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